Is it worth it?

I tried -- I really did. I tried to write about things that were unnatural to me, and I got a writer's block the size of Manhattan -- as if all of my words went on a strike, demanding me to return to normal working conditions. So here I am -- a month later -- back at last.

First and foremost, those inquiring minds can rest at ease -- I am no longer enlisting my services to a third world country for a two year stretch -- at least not in the immediate future. The Peace Corps requires the kind of commitment I can't afford. As much as being part of a greater good is rewarding, I've decided to shelf that idea for now.

Going through the application made me realize the things I value dearly in life: functioning and sanitized toilets, for starters; the internet, a war-free zone country, and my family to name a few others. The application process really makes you question your true reasoning and intentions for joining the Peace Corps. I thought about it for a while -- dug deep down in the depths of my stomach (because you have to crave it – hunger for it), hoping for some holy awakening that would give me a sign that the Peace Corps was for me, just as much as I was for it. I eventually realized that I was trying to convince myself more than the Peace Corps committee of why I should be qualified.

Turns out that I'm, in fact, not qualified because I lack the ability to sacrifice. I'm not willing to give up witnessing my niece and nephew's childhoods. I'm not willing to trade my familiar complicated life here for a foreign complicated life there. Nor am I willing to put this life on pause, only to find it fast forwarded to '2 years later' when I return.

We make small sacrifices on a daily basis, often times inconspicuously. Then there are those occasional days when I fast for some preordained religious custom. I'll have to forego many mouth watering urges and trips to the vending machine -- all in hopes of not receiving bad karma from Mr. Almighty himself (or at least that’s what I tell myself). As cynical as I am of these fasting practices, I do give credence to them. Fasting teaches you to give up something without getting something in return. In this materialistic world, we've grown accustomed to extending our one hand to give, as we reach with the other to receive. At times we sacrifice our pride for love, food for weight, vacation for work, liver for liquor, comfort for fashion, independence for marriage, life for our country, divorce for the sake of children, and even friendship for a night of passion.

Ironic isn’t it? Some of the most priceless things in life actually come with a hefty price tag. It makes us question whether what we desire is truly worth it. And I’m slowly beginning to find out that sometimes the things I like… aren’t necessarily the things I want.